You win some, you lose some

Tough lesson to learn, but has become a staple in our lives. I spoke too soon, my friends……..Timothy is still a bus screamer! The second day of school he started in again. Mind you, its not an every day occurance so I will still chalk it up as success.
timburk.
Doesn’t he look innocent?! HA!

So lets start with the good news shall we?

Friday night I dropped Skylar off at a birthday party. I had promised the younger two a “pizza party” which consists of blankets and pillows and eating in the living room (gasp). This is a real treat for them and they LOVE it. So all the way to Skylar’s friends’ place I reminded Timothy how we are going to get pizza (imagine lame sing song voice here). We arrived at said pizza joint, parked car and got out. Timothy being extra good, following my direction,etc etc. A delivery man comes out, points at my car and asks me to please move it so he can get his car out of the back. My heart sank. I just knew this would not be pretty. Timothy was galloping towards the store entrance with love in his eyes for that pizza (which is currently his favorite food). I looked back at the pizza man and I kid you not, I must have had pleading desperation in my eyes. He smiles, and says again, “please move your vehicle”.

Inside I was crying. I called for Timothy and Casey to come back explaining we needed to move our car first. I will preface this by saying that Timothy has a very one track mind-not unlike many children with ASD. Changing direction before the reward is obtained is usually quite impossible. It involves alot of screaming and most always me dragging him to the car and wrestling him back into his car seat.

This time was different. I was able to direct him back to the car with the promise of sitting in the passenger seat while I moved the car. Good Lord it worked! Crisis averted and I felt like superwoman!!! Pizza enjoyed by all yum yum.

The bad news…..
My step sister Melissa visited the kids and I Saturday (the very next day) and since the weather was so beautiful we decided to hit the park. I have for a while been unable to take the kids to the park alone. Timothy is a runner. A fast one at that and its unsafe for me to take him out alone without another adult.

Yes he did take off but at least I had Missy to stay with the others so I could chase Timothy (while almost losing my pants-FUN). This is why I have a gym membership! All was good and I could almost say *successful?* until it was time to leave. I gave out the initial warning to Timothy who usually needs a countdown when we are about to stop doing something he likes. He screams and carries on playing on the playground equipment. <—- This is normal. Then without warning, he took off towards the road. Since I expect this from him unfortunately, I was able to grab him quickly. He started swinging his fists at me and scratched up my face pretty good before I was able to hold his arms down. “Timothy, no hitting. Timothy its time to go now”. It didn’t stop. He continued to claw at my face and fight me with everything he had. This hurt. Not physically, but it stung me deep inside my chest. I dragged him to the car and felt tears well up under my sunglasses. Will it be like this forever?

My other two children gathered up our belongings and with Missy came out to the car. Unfortunately this had become our “normal” and they seemed unaffected. We started driving and thankfully Timothy recovered from his tantrum quickly but I had not. Hot salty tears threatened to spill over and down my cheeks but I was not about to let my kids see me so upset. I swallowed them down and looked at them in my rear view mirror. They were excited at the promise of Swiss Chalet for dinner. Timothy smiled at me. I couldn’t help but smile back at him. I wanted to stay angry with him cause damn, I was angry, but when he smiles his whole face lights up, truly.

We drove on and I kept smiling. It wasn’t forced anymore. It was Saturday. I wasn’t working and the sun was shining. I had gas in my car, clothes on my back and a place to live.

Why the heck not?

One thought on “You win some, you lose some

  1. You know it’s interesting how little you know about people’s lives…or their hearts…just from being friends on facebook or the casual interaction.
    Hurray for pizza and my heart hurts for you when it comes to the park incident…’normal’ parenting is hard enough but the privilege of parenting an extra special child is really hard with a whole different set of rules isn’t it?
    But sharing your story, as it gets out there, maybe will help other people understand. The little glimpses you can give them into your story can help others understand and encourage mamas who are in similar situations to know that they aren’t alone.

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