The cup feels half empty

And I want it to be half full.  Timothy has become an all encompassing tornado and I don’t feel equipped to take care of him when he is this way. He is irritable and frustrated and becoming aggressive towards myself and other people.  I can’t allow it to continue. I have two other children who I feel I am neglecting.  I am irritable, I am emotional, I can’t sleep.  I am not the Mom I want to be. 

So I (we) made a decision to try medication.  Timothy will start it today and I am a ball of nerves.  I know in my heart he needs to try it and yet I am questioning the decision.  As I write this, I am validating myself.  I can’t take him out alone anymore.  We have become isolated in our home. 

Its almost as though he knows.  It breaks my heart.  Yesterday he was good as gold.  I thought, what am I doing?  Why can’t I handle this, as he chirped and played last night.  Then the screaming began again this morning.  The constant slamming of doors, hitting walls and striking out.  Twenty hours of IBI therapy per week and yes, he has definitely improved, but not enough.  My child needs help and I am his only advocate.  The storm inside his head needs to calm.  If I can’t be 100% then I am no good to him.  We need to do better.  But we are exhausted.  Laying a whole lot of hope on this folks.  Everything I’ve got. 

A happy picture from yesterday with the sign he took from program.  He loves the balloons on it and its gone everywhere with him including his bed!

balloonsberky

Love Trish.

HEART

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